(Special reminder – Please join me today, Monday, at 11:00 am PST/ 2:00 pm EST on Straight Talk for Your Soul.)
When in doubt, it’s always best to approach a new or challenging situation from a calm, peaceful place. Your emotional “come from” matters when interacting, negotiating, listening, or contributing.
Simple enough wisdom, but so few people follow it. Why? Because you’re running at the speed of light to get everything done, (or to not be left out, or to get ahead, or to avoid feeling inadequate or… fill in the blank)!
As a result, you might approach a challenging situation at work, with a relationship, about a family problem or news about your health without calming yourself down first. Biggest risk? You will be reacting without all your wisdom and brain power online. You’ll react as if you’ve been “triggered” (which you may have been because you haven’t taken the time to calm yourself down)! And when you realize you are overreacting because your nervous system has been triggered, then you’ll regret what you say and how you behave. You’ve done it, I’ve done it, your loved ones have done it… it’s no fun.
The first step is getting aware of what you are feeling before you pick up the telephone, push send, or even answer a simple question. We rarely take the time to check in long enough to figure out how we are feeling.
Then, once you’ve identified that you feel hurt, afraid or irritated, you need to do something to slow down your overactive nervous system. According to the trauma specialists, if you feel even slightly threatened by a new or challenging situation, your amygdala hijacks your brain and you are already “off to the races.”
For me, there are two solutions:
(1) I tap on myself every single day, rain or shine. If I don’t have something specific and immediate to tap on in my personal or professional life, I tap for basic stress relief and calming the nervous system.
(2) I remember to tap before I pick up the phone, knock on the door, or start a conversation that might be difficult, or one in which there are some unknowns.
Let’s try EFT/tapping on this challenge.
Side of the Hand: Even though I tend to react to situations without thinking, I accept who I am and that I have this bad habit. Even though I don’t recognize the value of calming down first, I accept who I am and how I feel anyway. Even though I need to calm down first, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Eyebrow: I never remember to get calm first
Side of Eye: I usually jump in before calming myself down
Under Eye: I’m often unaware of how I feel anyway
Nose: Sometimes it’s too late
Chin: I tend to overreact to situations
Collarbone: I’m not used to getting calm first
Under Arm: I’m in a hurry to get it “done”
Head: I tend to react right away
Repeat these follow-up phrases while you continue tapping on the points.
Eyebrow: What if I could identify my emotions first?
Side of Eye: What if I consistently calmed myself down?
Under Eye: I want to know how I feel before I jump in
Nose: I want to feel calm before I jump to conclusions
Chin: I want to be more in the flow
Collarbone: I’m ready to start this new habit
Under Arm: I appreciate all of my feelings anyway
Head: I want to be mindful of my feelings and calm myself down first
It’s simple but not easy: stop long enough to identify your feelings in the first place, then practice a body-mind based technique such as tapping to change your state of mind so you can approach new or challenging situations with grace and ease. You will love the results!